


The Other Side

by Kinosei



Series: Iwatobi After Dark XD [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Domination, Jealousy, Light BDSM, M/M, Pining, References to Starting Days, Submission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 01:45:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13847472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinosei/pseuds/Kinosei
Summary: What happens when a crush turns into obsession? While Haru is busy trying to figure out his relationship with Rin, little does he know there is someone in the shadows pursuing Haru himself.Continues the story of Night Run.





	1. Chapter 1

1

_The breath of flowers_  
_Growing in my chest_  
_Your face is everywhere I look_  
_Should I give up hope?_

When Haru found the first letter, he frowned and stared at it in bewilderment. He had just finished stewing mackerel in miso sauce for tomorrow’s school lunch and came up upstairs to grab the bento box. That's when he saw it.

It was waiting for him in his school bag, tucked inconspicuously between the books and lunchbox. A narrow manila envelope, unaddressed and unsealed. He took it in his hands and opened.

Inside was a halved A4 sheet with a short message printed in the middle.

_The breath of flowers growing in my chest..._

Okay, the first line he did recognize, it was from a song by…? He forgot by whom, alright, but recently you could hear this tune from every corner. The rest though… The whole thing looked like an anonymous love letter, not that he had ever seen one before.

His fingers broke sweat and trembled a little as he studied the thin paper. A Love Letter! Surprise started to change into excitement, but he didn’t want to be too hopeful too soon. Could it be from him?

Haru hadn’t heard from Rin since he had suddenly appeared at his door one night over a month ago. Things that had happened that night - both spoken and done - went far beyond what was considered to be normal between former classmates, friends, rivals, or whoever they were to each other now.

He felt like a snail with its shell crushed, the pale and mushy meat spilled outside, raw and vulnerable to the elements. The picture of Rin in the dark, lying on his side and breathing heavily, stuck in his mind and was slowly corroding something in him.

For years that Rin had been away, he’d been content with stitching together bits and pieces, filing and cataloging their shared memories. But now that he had got so close to the real thing, memories were no longer enough. He had only masturbated once since that night, and it was empty and disappointing. A simple glance from Rin, the sound of his voice was a hundred times more satisfying than the bare physical climax.

He was inexperienced, true, but far from naive. He had a vague understanding they came dangerously close to “having sex” and that was no joke. For one thing, Rin must like him at least a little bit to explain his... uh, the later part of his visit, and the fact that he stayed the night. Secondly, people didn’t just randomly have sex to pass the time, or so he believed, there must be some deeper meaning to things.

And now this strange letter, completely out of the blue.

There had been no indication from Rin of how he wanted to proceed from there or what he was even thinking about the whole affair, and it was driving Haru nuts. The two of them would still see each other at an occasional joint practice, Rin would even meet his eyes, but his gaze seemed to be unnaturally calm and guarded.

Rin used to have his cell number in junior school, so practically speaking there was no need to send a written letter to confess his feelings. But that was four years ago, Haru reasoned, he might have changed or lost his phone. And the message wasn’t even sent by post, instead it just materialized in his bag. Hmm, something didn’t add up here.

I wish people came with a manual, Haru thought.

He sighed and his gaze fell on the pile of textbooks spread out on his desk. World History in its orange cover had been giving him a lot of trouble in particular: he had better not fail the test tomorrow or he’d be banned from his swimming club activities. And going to swim events was the only sure way he knew to see Rin again and ask him what was going on between them.

To make matters worse, yesterday night his mother had called the house to ask about school. He had straight As in Arts and PT, the rest of the subjects could use a bit of improvement, but it was his attendance that suffered the most.

He thought of those wild kids who bleached their hair and wore short funny gakurans and baggy pants. Kids who preferred hanging out at game centers and manga rental shops instead of going to classes. Yankees. He was no yankee, but he still might face a repeat year if things kept going like this. How troublesome, he sighed.

Were there any yankees in Iwatobi High though, he mused. They had probably all died off out of boredom. Were there any yankees in Australia? But then, didn’t everyone over there have light hair and wear insane clothes anyway, so how could you tell? He had to ask Rin next time, if they ever talked again, that is.

  
2

_Tachibana Makoto’s cell phone/ Sent Folder: June 15, 2013_

_18:20 Haru, do you want to come over? We’re having soumen tonight ;)_  
_18:25 Haru, where are you? I just went up and you weren’t home…_  
_21:47 Haru, don’t forget to bring your essay. Tomorrow’s the last day!!_  
_22:15 Good night, Haru!_

Haru had been studying a lot these days, that is, compared to the slack unsupervised life he had been used to since middle school. He had a pretty good memory and a knack for fixing things up, alas academic learning was not his forte. Though he now had a goal - fix his grades so that he could keep swimming, to swim with Rin again. He could no longer afford missing classes either, and that meant no sleeping-in or soaking in the bath in the morning.

It was early in the rainy season: fine drizzle seemed to be just floating about, never quite reaching the ground and instead hanging in the air like a cloud of vapor over a hot-pot. Haru was holding a clear plastic umbrella and waiting Makoto on the stairs in front of the Tachibana house.

“Haru! Up already?” Makoto walked out in a hurry, trying to fit bento boxes into his bag. He was unfailingly bright and cheerful even at this early hour.

“Morning.”

They started walking down towards the train station.

“Did you switch to taking bath on the evenings?” Makoto beamed at him.

“No. I switched to showers,” Haru explained calmly.

“Such a pity! I’m gonna miss fetching you out of the bathtub...”

Haru gave him an incredulous look. Sometimes his friend’s sense of humor was outright weird.

Makoto laughed and scratched his head.

“Seriously though, why so diligent all of a sudden?” he asked.

“Mom called the other day. Said if my ambition didn’t go further than gutting and scaling fish at a local cooperative, I might as well just drop out now.”

Makoto snickered.

“Did she really? I didn’t know your grades were so bad, honestly.”

“Well, I think she was talking more about my attendance.”

“I see.” Makoto thought for a moment, “is there something else?”

Makoto was like an old and experienced hound: once he picked up the trail, he wouldn’t stop sniffing around for dear life, until he eventually stuck its nose right into the foxhole.

“Is it Rin?”

No. Why was he so easy to read?

“What does it have to do with Rin?” Haru replied.

“I dunno. It’s just you’ve changed a lot since he came back.”

Haru hesitated a bit with his answer. He knew Makoto would spot an untruth immediately, but he might try to get away with a half-truth.

“I guess I just really want to beat him. He’s so bent on being better than me, kinda makes me want to prove him wrong.”

“Is that so?” Makoto looked at him and his drooping green eyes really did make him resemble a smart but sad puppy.

“Hn,” Haru replied vaguely.

“You know, Rin comes and goes whenever he likes. Just be careful not to get hurt, Haru.”

These words struck a chord within him, stirring up some inconvenient emotions he had been trying his best to ignore. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“We are almost at the station,” he said.

On the platform they met two Iwatobi High girls of the same year but different class, Sanada-san and Izumi-san. The first girl’s name was Kumi, she wore metal braces and had stumpy legs, but overall was a nice looking girl. Her friend, Haru didn’t really know much about, looked like a middle schooler, small and dainty with a elusive expression in her eyes.

Izumi-san very obviously had a crush on Makoto, the way she quickly looked down and flushed when they approached was a dead giveaway. But that was nothing to be surprised about; Haru knew his friend had a small following at school. He was tall, patient and nice to everybody, the kind of big brother type.

All the while they were on the train, grabbing the hanging handrails and swinging back and forth with the crowd of schoolkids and tired businessmen, Makoto was chatting with the girls and checking his cell phone.

Haru stood silently and imagined he was in a quiet spacious place, with no random backs, elbows and feet pressing, bumping and kicking into him. Or better, the pool. So quiet, cool and soothing.

The girls would occasionally glance at him and snicker but didn't say anything.

The first period was Classical Chinese, and they were trying to read some stale old rhymes. Haru found it hard to concentrate on the page, his mind kept drifting off to Makoto’s words earlier today.

Rin comes and goes whenever he likes...

Did Rin already have someone in Australia or, hell, even here at Samezuka? There was a huge gap between the starry-eyed boy he had known four years ago, and this grown-up and bitter man. And Haru was at a loss as what to fill this gap with. Rin was very good looking and outgoing, surely he must have had a lot of dates. Surely he had had plenty of opportunities to satisfy his curiosity. Haru had heard that kids abroad started early. He had heard about one-night stands and open relationships, too.

He clenched and unclenched his fists, a slow painful burn smoldering in his chest and stifling him with its acrid smoke. Cut it out, you are delirious, he scolded himself. You have no grounds to think of Rin like this. Yeah, except he showed up at your door and talked trash about watching you jerk off, and then forgot all about it next day. No, he must have had a good reason. What reason, are you-

“Nanase-kun?”

“Nanase-kun!”

“Are you still with us, Nanase-kun?”

He lifted his eyes and saw that the whole class was staring at him, girls whispering and giggling. He must have zoned out again and didn’t notice the teacher was calling him to recite something from the book.

He stared back at them, nonplussed.

Just when the silence was starting to get really uncomfortable, Makoto stood up and said:

“May I?”

The teacher nodded and he began:

“From whose home secretly flies

the sound of a jade flute-”

Haru silently thanked him. There was nothing unusual in being haunted by thoughts of Rin, only recently those thoughts seemed to have upgraded to outright torturous. Swimming practice couldn’t come fast enough, so that he wouldn’t have to pretend he was paying attention to any of this. Face down in water, letting his strokes carry him forward, he could be thinking whatever he liked and the rest of the world might just as well disappear.

  
3

_Hazuki Nagisa’s cell phone/ LINE app: June 16, 2013_

_BambooNagi: so watcha think?_

_Cho_cho_rei: Nagisa-kun, please be sensible!_

_BambooNagi: but rei chan, it’ll be so much fun!_  
_have you seen haru chans face?_

_Cho_cho_rei: I didn’t agree to this…_

_BambooNagi: lets meet at your place tmr_  
_ill bring the “stuff”_

Later that day, after the practice was over, Haru was almost out of the school gates when he remembered he had left his jersey lying on the bench in the changing room. He had been so absent-minded recently it wasn’t funny. Makoto had gone earlier to attend to some family business and Rei was in charge of locking up the pool.

He sighed and turned his footsteps back. It was getting dark and he could see from afar there was still light in the clubhouse windows. When he was just outside the building, he noticed some vigorous movement inside. He stopped to peek in and saw Nagisa giggling and trying to stuff something into Rei’s school bag.

At first he thought the thing was Iwatobi-chan cream bread, but Rei’s cheeks were red and he was clearly flustered. He looked closer and caught a glimpse of the milky-white female body in a bikini, printed on a flat square thing. Oh. An adult video.

He had seen some of those before, when he had accidentally discovered paid TV channels in a hotel. He found the extreme shooting angles and bad acting slightly amusing and off-putting. Besides, why did female leads had to always plead “no, no, please stop!” even though they obviously took a most active part in the process? Those unwilling cries worked on him better than laps around the house or a cold shower.

Meanwhile, the argument in the changing room evolved into a playful wrestling match. Surprisingly, Nagisa had managed to get the taller boy in a merciless headlock and was laughing in triumph.

It was times like this that made Haru realize that Nagisa wasn't as innocent as he looked.

He'd grab the jersey tomorrow, he decided, and started walking home.

Anyway, after seeing those videos, he had been convinced he would keep his V-card forever, if that was what sex was. And that was okay with him, he wasn't very needy in that department or assertive enough to pursue a girl. To pursue anyone. So this sudden “thing” between him and Rin came as a complete surprise, and he secretly felt amazed and proud of how experienced he had become over such a short time.

Somehow, his thoughts had returned to Rin again. It’s fine, he thought, I’ll get to see him next week at the regional swim meet. Hopefully, will get to talk to him too.

Later that evening, he opened the fridge to take out some lunch ingredients, and he knew. He didn't have to go and check the bag, he just knew it was there. He rushed to the second floor. Unzipped his bag. And sure thing, there it was! An identical envelope. The second letter.

He reached inside. It had almost slipped his mind that somebody had been sending those strange letters to him.

_You never notice me_  
_But I'm always close_  
_Just look around_  
_Waiting for a sign from you_

Hmm… This was obscure. So vague. The kind of message that makes one want to scribble two words: So what? and post it back. Should he do just that? Haru considered for a moment. But where exactly should he post it to? His own bag?

That brought back the question of how the envelope got there in the first place.

Suddenly something clicked together in his brain.

Rei’s red cheeks and the fight over AV case. Slipping things into bags. Playing pranks and enjoying embarrassing people. Evil trickster laughing behind the scenes…

Nagisa?!

No, it couldn't be! He was just a kid, after all. But with a weird sense of humor, Haru had to admit. And a talent for manipulating people. The way he had pestered and cajoled Rei into joining the team - and the boy couldn't even swim, for God's sake! Besides, Nagisa himself had admitted to eating five Iwatobi-chan cream breads for lunch - in Haru’s eyes it was an additional aggravating evidence.

Haru steepled his fingers and thought hard.

But why? Although he had no motive, he sure did have an opportunity and means. Character evidence was not in his favor, too. One could say, Haru thought, Nagisa was like a mischievous cat that bats things off the table just to see what happens.

He spread out letter one and letter two side by side on the table.

_Should I give up hope?_

But

_Waiting for a sign from you_

What was Nagisa even thinking? Things didn't make much sense.

Haru was getting tired of impersonating the mysterious boy detective Conan. His thoughts kept drifting off to things of more importance. Things like the oh-so broad shoulders and well-shaped pectorals under Rin’s T-shirt. No, we can't think of this now, he disciplined himself.

He probably should confront Nagisa about the matter and let him know he picked the wrong person to make fun of. But this could wait. He had better concentrate on his studies and training, to be fully prepared for the swim meet next week.

He had been waiting a long time for this opportunity to talk with Rin and get things straight between them.

  
4

_Played on Matsuoka Rin’s iPod, 13 June, 2013, 02:25_

_I'm not giving in_  
_I want you back_  
_Holding together by the shards of our past_  
_Stole my heart away_  
_I can't let you go_  
_Break these chains_  
_And let me fly to you_

_High above the world below_  
_Over and over in my mind_

There were times - perhaps when the outer planets went retrograde or aligned in a certain way - when Rin felt as if he was that small heart-shaped piece of wood on the ouija board, moved about by an obscure and mysterious force.

The times when his feelings got too deep and twisted, and it was so easy to cross the line of what was good. Like that night at Haru’s house. He deeply regretted how he had almost forced himself on the boy, felt guilty for how much he had enjoyed it, and at the same time knew he wouldn’t hesitate to do the whole thing again.

Now the question that kept him awake at night was whether Haru hated him now, or were they still friends?

Nitori came in chattering away and forgetting to close the door, again. But that merely brushed the edges of his consciousness, as his thoughts were preoccupied with the Plan. He had to reconnect with Haru, have him back in his life again. Simply have him in all possible senses, no matter if it was right or wrong.

Rin got up from the bottom bunk and reached for his white uniform jacket. He was lucky he had a spy in the enemy’s camp, so to speak. Without his little sister he wouldn’t be able to get intelligence and pull strings so easily.

Yes, Gou has been immensely useful. She had been providing him with the schedule, training routines and occasional snapshots of the Iwatobi swim team, mostly of Haru. She couldn't have known with any certainty, he was sure of that, but might have had a hunch that his singular point of attention was focused on Haru.

Now the only thing he had to do was convince her to plant the papers, and he would take care of the rest.

He slid something between pages of a textbook to keep it safe and tucked the book in his bag. Later today he will take train to Iwatobi and have a secret meeting with Gou. He won’t tell her the true purpose of his plan, of course, but she will only be happy to do a small favor for her big brother.

A cold ruthless smile tagged at his lips, baring the pointed shark-like teeth. Things have finally started to move along.

  
5

Haru was feeling hopeful. Tomorrow early morning they would head to Tottori city for the swim meet, and he would finally see Rin. He had already made up his mind to take the initiative in his hands and talk with him about their “friendship”. The thought gave him a light-hearted dizzy feeling.

Things were looking up for him. Recently there had been someone sending him love letters. Could it be the same person he was thinking of?

He had always had a sort of strange connection with the other guy. A subtle knowing that prompted him to wear jammers that night in Iwatobi Swim Club. Sometimes he felt as if he could sense when Rin was thinking of him, other times he could feel a sudden burst of warmth in his chest and almost feel an arm swung possessively over his shoulder.

The letters didn’t quite give him this feeling, but he was starved and therefore hopeful.

He looked at the messages again. The text itself didn’t provide any clue about who might have written them. For one thing, it didn’t directly state whom it was meant for. It could have been anyone, if only these letters didn’t keep turning up in his bag.

Now, he wasn’t close to many people at school - or anywhere else, for that matter. The only people with whom he communicated on a daily basis were his teammates: Makoto, Nagisa, Rei and Gou. The guys called him just Haru. Rin would call him Haru, too. Gou called him Haruka-senpai. He guessed other people at school would go with Nanase-kun or Nanase-senpai.

But the mysterious sender seemed to deliberately avoid addressing him directly and thus giving away at least some information.

He furrowed his brows in concentration.

Then there was the fact that it wasn’t handwriting, which could be expected of a message this short. He knew his friends’ hand; he had seen Gou-san’s calligraphy many times. He even had Rin’s letter from that time long ago, sent to Yamazaki but really meant for him. It was one of the treasured artifacts in his collection of Rin’s paraphernalia.

Seeing handwriting would let him to at least eliminate all the people above, but no such luck here either.

To be honest, the letters were awfully sappy and naive, but wasn’t it Rin who proposed making the time capsule a long time ago to preserve their memories? He had even said something about it being romantic! For all his moody behavior since he had returned, he might actually have a sentimental streak to him.

There were other possibilities too, of course. Just the other day, he excused himself from class to go to the bathroom and on the way there he saw Nagisa, standing by the water fountain and typing away on his cell phone. He noticed Haru and flashed his way a knowing smile, or so it seemed, as if saying “enjoying our little charade, eh?” I swear, Haru thought, if it’s you, Nagisa, don’t expect to get away with this. He knew everyone regarded him as a harmless quiet weirdo, but should the need arise he was perfectly capable to stand up for himself.

It was useless to keep guessing like this. Tomorrow he will know for sure. He had better try to get a full night of sleep to be in peak condition tomorrow.

  
6

The swim meet was the usual mixture of boys and girls in swimwear, smell of chlorine and anxiety. It wasn’t an official competition, more like a social event for kids to get to know each other, but it was tiring to simply be around so many new people at once.

He looked around searching for Samezuka’s black jerseys. Soon he noticed a red-haired guy standing with a couple of teammates in the hall. He didn’t look happy, a usual scowl on his face. He was saying something with his hands shoved in his pockets, then turned around abruptly and headed for the exit. Haru noticed his hunched shoulders and dragging feet. No, he didn’t look happy at all.

Haru had suspected for a while that Rin didn’t get along very well with the rest of the team. Perhaps he was bullied by the senpais? He knew sometimes kids who returned from abroad had a hard time fitting in. He could vividly imagine Rin being mean and condescending to other people, although the picture of him falling on the receiving end of mistreatment refused to form in his mind.

Maybe talking to him right now wasn’t such a good idea, but his feet started walking before he could make up his mind. He followed Rin outside and went out just in time to see him walking towards the parking lot and getting into the Samezuka coach. So that’s where he had been all those times he was missing from the bleachers.

Haru didn’t want to come in uninvited, but at the same time desperately needed to see him right now. He couldn’t bear dragging things out any longer. If Rin were to turn him down, then so be it. More than anything he needed clarity.

He clenched his fists and headed with determination to where the coach was parked. He’ll make it quick and painless. Anything is better than keep waiting for a smile, a word, a tiny sign of affection. Like a beggar. He was disgusted with himself.

His stomach hurt, but he made himself get inside. Rin was seated somewhere in the middle, at an aisle seat. His eyes were closed, as if he was trying to concentrate.

Haru cleared his throat.

“Rin…”

The other guy snapped his eyes open in surprise.

“Haru?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, I just saw you, and I…”

“Why, Haru, no need to be so polite. Be my guest!” Rin spread his arms in an exaggerated welcoming gesture.

He didn’t look angry, really, more like restless and bitter. Haru could tell something was eating at him, just wasn’t sure whether it was that thing between them or some problems with the team.

“Rin... I’ve been wondering how you’ve been. You still have my number, right?”

Rin slapped himself on the knees and laughed.

“I’ve been fine, why, thanks! No need to worry ‘bout me.”

“So you are not mad at me or something?”

“Why would I be mad at you? My old friend.”

Haru couldn’t tell whether he was simply teasing him or getting at something.

“Can you just tell me what’s going on?” Haru said.

“What’s going on with what? Anyway, can you come closer? Don’t make me shout across the whole damn bus.”

Haru obliged and walked up to where Rin was seated.

“Good. C’mon, get in. Yes,” he gestured at the window seat beside him.

Okay. It would be awkward and quite unnecessary to sit so close in an otherwise empty bus, but he could do it. As he began squeezing past Rin for his seat, the other boy suddenly gripped him by the waist and forcefully pulled him down, making him land in his lap. Haru jumped as if he had just touched a hot stove.

“Ow, ow, easy!“ Rin tightened his vice-like grip on him. “Sit quiet, boy, or I’ll have to tie you up.”

He chuckled, “Although I’m sure you’d rather like that!”

Haru snorted.

“Can we just talk for a second?”

“Hmm,” Rin’s tone was playful as his palms ran up Haru’s sides all the way to his armpits.

“Stop! Someone might see us,” Haru protested.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m gonna do something you’ll really like.”

He then dug his fingers in the insides of Haru’s thighs with enough force to bruise. The pain shot through straight to his groin and he started to feel it swell inside his pants. He tried to find his voice.

“Rin, please. Please, wait.”

He won’t let himself get carried away. He came here to find out the truth. Not to allow Rin grope him whenever fancy struck him. He tried to ignore the sensations of Rin’s warm hands sliding up and down his thighs, deliberately avoiding his crotch. Haru noticed he was fully leaning back now in Rin’s broad chest, feeling Rin’s breath at the side of his neck. If only he could close his eyes and let Rin have his way... No, he needed to stop him right now, before they did something really stupid or someone walked in on them.

Haru firmly gripped Rin’s wrists.

“Why don’t you ever come to my house?”

Rin was silent.

“Why didn’t you call me after that?

Rin sat still and rigid. His frenzied excitement seemed to have faded.

“Do we really have to talk about it?” his voice was sober and quiet.

“Yes. We do. I’m not some love-stricken girl for you to…”

Oh no. He had said the word. That dreadful word he hadn’t even gotten around to admit to himself, and yet it had just shamelessly escaped his mouth in front of Rin. A very long and awkward pause followed; Rin sat as if frozen under him. Haru stood up and clumsily freed himself from between Rin’s lap and the front seat.

Without looking at the other guy he said:

“Quit playing games with me, Rin. Or else, you can just get lost!”

Having said this, Haru walked out of the coach. He felt he had just ruined everything, but at least he knew the answer now. To Rin he was no more than an easy score, not even worthy to explain anything to. His eyes were stinging as he walked towards the stadium building.


	2. Chapter 2

7

They say people who are very good can also be very bad. It certainly held true for Makoto. There was a flipside to his devotion and unconditional support for Haru, which manifested in a relentless need to be around him all the time and know his every step.

If he couldn’t be by his side in the capacity of a romantic interest, then being his best friend would have to do. It had worked pretty well for them, except for the times when it didn’t. Heck, he’d been there for Haru for years, had had his back, encouraged him through his periods of apathy and smoothed the sharp corners for him, and where had Rin been all this time?

No one knew better than Makoto how it felt to be taken for granted and left behind.

He had thought he’d get over this foolish infatuation with a childhood friend, but it only got worse with time. Funny enough, it was brought to his awareness in the first year of middle school, by a casual remark from a senpai. Was he that obvious about his feelings? Three years later, in the first year of high school, things went even further downhill, with Makoto realizing he had certain needs as a man. And it made his everyday communication with Haru extremely difficult at times. He found himself doing things - at night in his room - that he was ashamed even to think of in the broad daylight.

He really wanted to be fair and a good friend, but deep inside he wished for Rin to go back to Australia for good, preferably starting tomorrow. Or better yet, to have never come back to Tottori at all.

He had more or less accepted the fact he couldn’t have Haru the way he wanted, but that didn’t mean he would passively sit around and watch him being taken away by someone else. He desperately needed to warn Haru, to make him understand.

He had been standing by the school gates for a good half an hour, waiting for Haru to finish helping with some stage decorations and go home together.

  
8

The street lights blinked a couple of times and lit up all at once, drowning the approaching gloom in their orange glow. It was a warm night and the air was filled with the sweet and creamy aroma of blooming gardenia. Haru slowly went down the stairs, looking at the ground. He was late and the school yard was empty.

After his recent encounter with Rin on Samezuka coach, the old and familiar despondency rolled over him like muddy flood waters. Each new day was exactly like the one before it. Swimming practice was the peak of his day; the rest blurred into an incoherent mass of meaningless events and conversations.

He had nothing to look forward to anymore. What had possessed him to be so harsh with Rin? His previous hopeful uncertainty had surely felt better than this. He had wanted clarity - and he was shown the door, couldn’t be much clearer than that. Happy now?

He sighed and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. Moths were buzzing around the light bulbs, drawn by their bright artificial glare. Stupid misled creatures. It was all so bittersweet; he was alive and he craved to be needed and cared about. Was this too much to ask? But there was no one to blame other than himself. He had got so close to the thing that had been making his heart feel raw for years, and then carelessly let it slip away.

Someone called his name softly. Haru looked up and saw Makoto sitting on the low fence, waiting for him. In the golden rays of sunset he looked familiar and cozy.

They walked together for a bit in silence, Makoto giving him sideway glances from time to time.

Haru felt too lazy to talk now, and even more than that he wanted to be alone with his feelings.

Finally, Makoto cleared his throat and asked tentatively:

“Have you talked with Rin?”

Oh no, here it comes again. It was bad enough Haru himself couldn’t stop thinking of Rin, why on earth had Makoto been so preoccupied with the guy lately?

“I say hi! when I see him,” he replied slowly.

“I saw you coming out of Samezuka coach at that swim meet,” Makoto pressed on.

“You did?” Haru didn’t even notice.

“You looked upset. Haru! How can’t you see, he will never make you happy!”

Makoto didn’t look soft or cozy anymore, there was some urgency to him Haru had never noticed before. He stalled in front of him, blocking the way, and grabbed Haru’s sleeve.

I wish he just stopped worrying about me all the time, like I was some helpless kid, Haru thought. That’s so bothersome. And don’t ask about Rin, never ask about Rin again.

“Makoto, I don’t think we need to talk about it.”

“Haru! I didn’t say anything long enough! Stop living in your memories. Rin has changed, he’s not the boy you knew four years ago!”

“Enough!” Haru said sternly. This was really too much. Makoto normally respected his boundaries and knew when to back off, but today something seemed to be oddly wrong with him.

“There’s plenty of people who would do anything for you! Just look around!”

Makoto’s smile was bitter as he lowered his eyes. He slowly let go of Haru’s sleeve, brushing his arm lightly with the tips of his fingers, turned around and resumed walking.

They walked like this all the way home. Something was bothering Haru. Something beyond the obvious argument with Makoto or the fact that he seemed to be following him around. Although this knowledge did not sit well with him.

Do anything… Look around… He had heard these words somewhere before. Couldn’t quite remember where exactly, but-

“Good night, Haru!” they stood at the stair landing between their houses, and Makoto suddenly drew so close, too close with that strange fond and desperate look in his eyes.

“Good night, Makoto,” Haru made a step back and briskly walked up to his house.

  
9

He closed the door and leaned back on it. He could feel the familiar smell of straw tatami and mosquito incense; cicadas were madly screeching outside. He was safe home. Safe from those confusing emotions, from necessity to make choices and the inevitable changes.

Haru turned on the lights and put the water on boil. He liked doing things about the house, it made him calm down and organize his thoughts.

Home was a place he could be himself, dream and remember. Home was also the place he had been close with Rin.

He cast a glance at the old photograph taken after their junior school medley, the trophy beside it. There were other Rin things upstairs, too.

Haru smiled to himself; thinking of Rin never failed to give him this high feeling. Poignant and intense, just like Rin himself.

But something else was nagging at the back of his mind, and he had to figure out what it was.

The past couple of months had been very turbulent. Rin’s return to Iwatobi and their night together, Makoto’s strange behavior, Rin turning him down, Nagisa’s mischief, the letters, Makoto acting strange again… The love letters.

He suddenly remembered their conversation several days ago on the way to school - Makoto had asked him to stay away from Rin. There was something about it, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, that made him feel uneasy.

To make things worse, there was his today’s remark that Haru just had to look around to see other people. And it echoed in a very peculiar way, he realized, the content of the second letter. I’m always close// Just look around. It was, in fact, almost a direct quotation!

Could it be a coincidence or was it… was it Makoto of all people who wrote those letters to him? Come to think of it, he shouldn’t be so surprised, after all in their first year of middle school Makoto did confess his feelings for him. In an awkward and haphazard way, but clear enough for the meaning to get through.

Haru didn’t like to remember that time: it was just after Rin had gone to Australia and he was feeling sad and lost. They formed a new relay team with Asahi and Ikuya. And Makoto, his old trusted childhood friend, had suddenly started acting weird. Avoiding him, training too hard as if to punish himself for something. And then they talked it out and he confessed.

Haru had let it slide that time, not pushing him away but not encouraging either, and after some time everything returned to normal. There were no further signs, and he thought Makoto had got over him a long time ago.

But his recent behavior and the letters made him reconsider this idea. It might very well have been Makoto. And it wasn’t good news. If true, things would become complicated. Haru didn’t want to hurt his friend and teammate, but there was simply no way he could return his feelings.

If someone was going to pursue him like this, he wished it could be Rin.

  
10

The next day was overcast and gloomy; he hadn’t slept well and was late for classes. Makoto didn’t show up to check upon him in the morning.

He didn’t want to be around people today, felt confused and dejected, but still decided to go to school. Now that he didn’t have a clear goal anymore, it was hard to make himself do homework and sit through all the classes.

He was looking out of the window and musing whether it will rain today and they will have to call off the swimming practice. Having an outdoor pool had its disadvantages. He felt grateful his seat was by the window. Crows and occasional seagulls proved to be a decent entertainment on days like these.

Just when the last period was about to finish, he heard a distant rumbling of thunder and soon raindrops started pelting unevenly at the window glass.

A great end to a great day! he thought with bitter irony. Shouldn’t have bothered to get out of bed at all. It was a good thing he did though, because today was his turn mopping the floors and his absence would have earned him a disciplinary visit to Headmaster’s office.

The rest of the unlucky kids responsible for cleaning today started pushing the desks into a corner so that he could go about his task, and he went out to fill the bucket with water. When he came back, there was something on his desk that hadn’t been there before.

The all-too-familiar by now narrow envelope. He looked around, but there were only two or three of his classmates busily attending to the windows and blackboard. Everyone was in a hurry to be off to their club activities or go home.

The message was brief this time and read: Today at 6 p.m. at the Karokami park.

He knew the place, it was on the way to train station and served as a convenient location to hang out after school or a safe hideout for those skipping classes - whichever you preferred - known to all Iwatobi High students. Fine! he thought. Let’s get it over with. No more guessing. Soon enough he will know the identity of the mysterious sender.

He hoped it wasn’t Makoto, with all the tension and ambiguity between them lately he felt this might put a full stop to their long-time friendship.

He sure hoped it wasn’t Nagisa, the boy liked his fun and games, but he wasn’t a bad person. Even Nagisa, he thought, wouldn’t take a joke this far. Or would he?

And he hoped… it WAS Rin, in spite of knowing in all probability it wasn’t him.

One thing that gave him the vague hope was that, judging by his previous experience, Rin apparently had a penchant for dark and secluded places. Asking him out to a park at night, instead of, say, a coffee shop, seemed a lot like him.

Haru believed Rin was a genuinely kind and caring person. But it didn’t escape his notice that there was also a violent and dark side to him - and it tended to surface when he was upset or aroused. He didn’t mind the latter, it was in fact very flattering that he had such a power over the person he liked so much.

If only tonight he could talk with him one more time and… And? And beg him to touch me, a voice whispered inside his head. What? You are too weak. But then he didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to see Rin right now.

It was still barely past four o’clock. He would wait at the library, have a snack at the school cafeteria, and then set off on his quest.

  
11

Rin walked out of Seven Eleven with a can of black coffee and a cheap five-hundred and fifty yen umbrella in his hand. Hell, he already had so many of those at the dorm, and yet you just have to keep buying new ones because he couldn’t be bothered carrying an umbrella all the time.

There was no swimming practice today and he had the late afternoon all for himself. He was going to take the 14:45 train to Iwatobi, meet with Gou and afterwards indulge in an activity he had been enjoying a lot lately. There was that Karokami park, just on the way from Iwatobi High to the Iwatobi station, a splendid sighting location for fireflies in early summer and migrating pied wagtail in October, so he heard.

Only he wasn’t going there to watch birds or bugs. There was a bench in a far corner, hidden out of sight by the bushes but with a clear view of Iwatobi High premises. If you knew when to come, you could see a group of boys in Oxford blazers going down the road. One black-haired and quiet, one tall and overprotective, and two hyperactive idiots always bickering and flailing their arms.

If you were lucky enough, you could even see the black-haired boy walking down alone, slowly, looking at something only he could see, a half smile on his lips.

Haru. He clutched at the shirt on the left side of his chest.

How long this torture was going to go on, he didn’t know. He was so afraid to fuck everything up, he got uncharacteristically tongue-tied around the guy. Oh, he could do things to him all right. His body knew perfectly well what it wanted. But when it came down to talking about his feelings, he felt acutely inadequate. And to be honest, his feelings were far from sunshine and rainbows. This thing between them had been brewing for so long, the wine turned into acid.

But today felt different. Maybe today he would have the guts to approach the guy and put a claim on him.

  
12

The clouds had cleared up a little and the moon hung low over the treetops. It was mean and bloated. He remembered girls at school making a fuss about taking selfies with the Strawberry Moon. But to him it looked more wine than strawberry. A deep shade of crimson, just like Rin’s hair, like his eyes.

It was fifteen minutes to six and he started in the direction of Karokami Park. It was already dark outside, save for the moon and streetlights. He felt the familiar uneasiness and anticipation sweeping over him. Tonight or never. He will be wiser this time, make no demands, he will play by Rin’s rules. Bend down for Rin just as he wanted him to. Anything…

He reached the entrance to the park. There was no one in sight due to the combination of bad weather and the late hour. The green and red flashes reflected off the soaked foliage and created an illusion of a shining labyrinth on the wet asphalt. It was very beautiful in an other-worldly way, like a shrine festival with red lanterns, drum performance and games, only the visitors had all vanished for some reason.

It was six o’clock now. He kept walking deeper into the gloom, his breathing tense and heart beating fast.

Soon he saw a faint blur of white hovering between the trees. He stopped in his tracks.

He wiped his palms at his pants as he considered whether to come closer or stay away.

Suddenly the figure stirred and slowly emerged from the shadows. For a moment his mind refused to process what he was seeing and he stood there blinking.

It was… a girl. Small and pale. Her white shirt was soaking wet and clinging to her body. She looked ethereal in the moonlight like a fairy or a ghost.

Haru involuntarily glanced at her feet and hands - ghosts were supposed to have none. He exhaled with relief. He was being stupid, it was just a normal girl. And a familiar one at that, he remembered now how he’d often seen her and her friend around Makoto.

But what was she doing here? She looked like she wasn’t alright and needed help.

She lifted her eyes and spoke with a determination unexpected of her frail body.

“Nanase-kun, will you go out with me?”

Haru was at a loss for words. So that’s who it was all along! But why? He has barely ever spoken to her.

He cleared his throat and said quietly:

“Sorry… I can’t.”

Her half-transparent hand covered her mouth, she squatted down in a lump and started sobbing.

Haru just stood there nervously, not knowing what to do. He hadn’t foreseen this turn of events and his mind temporarily went blank. Then suddenly right in front of him, at a distance, something caught his eye.

Dark figure in the shadows, sharp features on a pale face, thin eyebrows arched in surprise. Rin… RIN! Rin was here! What on earth was going on here?

Haru was about to make a step forward when somewhere from behind a familiar voice shouted:

“Nagisa, wait!”

He heard hurried footsteps and Makoto along with Nagisa stormed into the scene.

“Haru, are you alright?” Makoto immediately asked him.

Um… He guessed he was. He nodded.

Makoto then proceeded to wrap his jacket around the girl and help her back to her feet. When he saw Rin, he stopped for a moment and looked at Haru with a question in his eyes.

Haru was the last person to offer explanations though, if anything he’d like to ask a few questions himself.

“Rin-chan!” Nagisa intervened, “you are here too!”

He proceeded babbling rapidly:

“Mako-chan saw Haru roaming in the dark and talking to himself! He was worried and decided to follow him. I saw Makoto and just had to come to rescue! Haha. We heard everything!” he announced proudly.

It seemed, to Nagisa the whole situation was just another exciting adventure, like a treasure hunt or breaking into the Iwatobi swim club.

Makoto put his arm around girl’s shoulders and said:

“We’ll get Izumi-san to her home. I know where it is.”

Rin finally spoke for the first time this evening:

“Fine. And I’ll take Haru to his place.”

“No!” Makoto started.

He quickly corrected himself, “Nagisa can go with Haru.”

“But Mako-chan! I want to go to Izumi-chan’s too!” Nagisa whined and gave Haru a huge almost evil wink.

“Why don’t we go and have a Triple Chocolate Cherry Camembert milkshake first! That will cheer you up?” He was talking to the girl now. “Makoto’s treat of course!”

Nagisa seemed to have a lot of ideas how they could spend the rest of the evening and Makoto could only argue weakly as the three of them walked away.

It was only Rin and him now. Haru smiled shyly.

Rin looked down and said:

“Let’s go. It’s starting to rain again.”

They walked through the darkness under Rin’s blue umbrella, raindrops were lightly tapping at the plastic, occasionally their shoulders touched and Haru felt the solid warmth of Rin’s body. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long long time.

When they reached the stone stairs to his house, he offered tentatively:

“Do you want to come up? Have some tea?”

“Why not,” Rin replied.

They were at Haru’s house, again, completely alone. Ceramic cups clicked coldly against the dark polished wood of the low table. He tore up a large bag of salted rice crackers, persimmon seeds and dried bonitos, the kind of snack old men have on a long night of drinking.

Rin’s proximity brought back dangerous and distracting associations, and Haru tried his best to ignore them.

He had better calm down his nerves. Maybe nothing of that sort will ever happen again. After all, the fact that they could normally talk and seemed to be on good terms again should be more than enough.

“What were you doing there, anyway?” he asked.

“Just came to see Gou,” Rin answered vaguely.

He then smiled impishly and added:

“I'd never have thought you were such a ladies’ man, Haru! True what they say, still waters run deep.”

Haru made a jokingly terrified expression and rolled his eyes.

They both laughed.

The atmosphere between them was warm and amiable now, as if they were just two carefree kids who got together to complain about homework or drool over a rare Pokemon card. No hard feelings or strange tension between them.

When the tea was finished, Rin yawned and laughed:

“Too tired to go back. Can I sleep here tonight?”

Haru’s heart skipped a beat.

“Sure.”

  
13

“The futon is on the top shelf, in my room. Help yourself.”

As he stayed downstairs to do some cleanup and lock the doors, he pondered if that would be it for today.

He had grown aware of what he felt, but wasn’t sure about Rin’s take on the situation. The worst case scenario would be that he saw Haru just as a convenient way to release some tension. What was that called, friends with benefits?

Just saying this term in his mind sent a short pang through his chest. If it wasn’t going to be lasting and secure, he’d rather stifle his feelings now and not go through the inevitable pain in the future.

When he got upstairs, Rin was already nestled in his futon with covers drawn over his head. Haru promptly snapped the lights off and got into his bed.

“Hi” Rin called out, his voice quiet and soft.

“Hi” Haru replied.

“Fancy a little chat?”

“Why not.”

There were several moments of silence after that. Haru could hear the tinkering of a bicycle bell and crisp laughing voices carried up the hill, as neighbors’ kids were coming home from cram school. It must still be no later than nine p.m., he thought.

“So... what about Gou?” Rin suddenly inquired.

“What about her?” Haru pondered at the strange question. Has he zoned out again and missed something?

“You seem to have the hots for redheads. And she’s a girl. You could actually date her.”

Rin’s overprotectiveness of his little sister - if not to say moderate obsession, wasn’t a secret to anyone. But this time Haru felt it wasn’t Gou he was asking about.

“I don’t need anyone’s permission to actually date someone.”

“That’s true,” Rin chuckled.

“Why did you come to see her today?” Haru asked in turn.

Rin was silent for a minute. Finally, he said:

“Okay, I guess I can tell you. It was supposed to be a surprise…”

“Surprise?”

“Yeah, kind of. Samezuka has an off-campus training camp, out on the islands. Next month we are going to spend a weekend there. I thought if you guys could come along…”

“You mean The Boot Camp From Hell? It was your idea?” Haru asked incredulously.

“Excuse me?” Rin’s voice sounded amused. “Don’t know about the hell part, but I wouldn’t put it past her. She gets carried away sometimes, if you know what I mean.”

Unfortunately, Haru knew. They lay again in silence, each thinking their own thoughts.

“Okay then”, Rin continued, “what about Makoto?”

Haru frowned.

“I think he knows about you. But he will be alright.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

“You see, Haru...” Rin suddenly continued, “I don’t completely not care.”

“What?” Haru struggled to understand.

“What you asked before. I do care about you.”

Time stood still for Haru. He thought of their conversation on the Samezuka coach not long ago. Rin had hurt him that time, made him feel lonely and insignificant. But even then a part of him knew all along they were somehow special to each other. Call it love or hate, but it was as if they were connected by a thread that kept pulling them back together. It was heavy and unbearable sometimes, just as chains and shackles, but Haru would not give up this connection even if he could. 

And now Rin was telling him he knew about it too. Haru felt something warm spreading in his chest and filling him with joy. Being with Rin would not be easy or predictable, but he was willing to try.

Rin turned on his side and looked at him.

“Haru?”

“Yes?”

“Can I give you a good-night kiss?”

“Ah... Sure.”

Rin slowly got up and sat on the edge of his bed, hair disheveled in the moonlight. Haru’s heart was beating in his chest like an overspeeding freight train rattling down the worn down tracks. In spite of some very physical things that had happened between them in the past couple of months, they had never got around to actually kissing.

It was like a whisper on his lips, light and chaste, the kiss you’d give to your playground sweetheart when you are five. 

When Rin’s lips were gone, he almost felt a pang of grief at the loss. 

Rin was leaning over him, studying his expression intently, his bangs hanging above Haru’s face. He was strikingly beautiful in the dark, face delicate and pale like a china doll. The clash between refinement of his features and the dark and explosive force inside him made Haru weak in his stomach.

Then he leaned in again for another kiss, this time more demanding. Haru felt his reason start to wane, and he clutched the sheets in his fists.

Several moments later, Rin was licking at his mouth, his tongue wet and raspy. Haru didn’t notice when exactly he got under the sheets and lay atop of him, resting his whole weight on his body. He was surprised how heavy and hard it was. Rin was bigger and more muscular than him, yet he didn’t make any effort to support his own weight, and Haru couldn’t find the strength to ask him to do it.

Rin moved on to latch at the place below his jaw, repeatedly licking and biting at one spot time after time. That’s going to leave bruises, he thought and tried to push him away.

“Haru...” Rin spoke slowly in a deep voice. 

“You know I’ve tried to be good to you. But you always make me go bad.”

This strained confession shocked him like a blow in the face; he swallowed hard.

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure as hell you do! You’ve got no idea what you do to me.”

Rin suddenly pushed himself up and walked over to the stack of clothes folded neatly by his futon - as if to snatch something, he couldn’t see exactly what it was. When he was back, he paused for a moment over the bed, looming tall and menacing in the dark. Haru felt like a rabbit paralyzed by the beady yellow eyes of the serpent: he could only stare up at Rin from below, unable to move or get away.

The next moment Rin came down, flipped him over and drew his hands together behind his back. Haru felt something cool and hard twisting around his skin, fastening his wrists together. A leather belt? He was so aroused and terrified, he could hardly breath. When he finished, Rin pushed at his shoulder several times, watching with clear enjoyment as Haru helplessly toppled back and forth, like a weeble-wobble trying to find its balance.

They were lying face to face now, Rin gently caressing his cheek with the tips of his fingers. He spoke in an unusually high pitch, as if he was on the verge of breakdown.

“Do you realize how many times I’ve fantasized about this?” he rubbed his thumb against Haru’s lips. 

“Oh, don’t make this face. You know what I’m talking about.”

Rin watched closely for his reaction, a cruel satisfaction written on his face.

“You try to play cool, but I’ve seen behind this facade. Remember when you kneeled down before me? Fuck. You wanted it so bad, ain’t I right?”

“I should have rammed it down your throat right there and then!” he almost cried out.

He grabbed a handful of Haru’s hair and jerked his head back.

“You fuckin’ tease! You made me become like this!” 

His voice hitched, as if he was trying to hold back tears, and Haru felt that painful tenderness overflowing him again. Although he was tied up defenseless and physically overpowered by the other guy, he knew he was holding Rin’s heart in his palm, and had the absolute power to crush it or to hold it gently, like a small bird.

Rin was getting more and more agitated by the minute, and Haru wondered if they were still making love, or something entirely different was about to begin.

Rin then pushed at his shoulders and brought him all the way down to his crotch; it was already fully swollen and smelled strongly of sex.

Haru felt his face and neck burn up with shame, and yet some detached part inside him calmly acknowledged that Rin’s words were true. He did enjoy seeing him go out of control, did like to put up some act to bring out the predator in him. 

“C’mon, Haru. Get me off!”

He pressed the bump of flesh in his pants at Haru’s face and started slowly gyrating his hips. The musky smell was overwhelming, just like an animal in heat, he thought. He had somehow imagined that sex would be more clean and civilized.

Being so close made him see a trail of tiny red hairs just above Rin’s waistband. He had remembered Rin’s body always so smooth and perfect in his legskins, so that this sudden humanness made him shudder in excitement and rock his hips convulsively a couple of times. Perhaps, he too was nothing more than just another animal after all.

Rin reached down his pants and started pulling out his dick. Haru squeezed his eyes shut; he’d rather not see it. His senses were burning and raw, and the last thing he needed now was an added stimulation. He desperately wished Rin found release already and stopped dragging them both into the bottomless pit of madness. 

He wanted to come, too. If only he could use his hands now, he would be wasting no time and jerk himself good and fast.

“Take it in, Haru. Take it in!” Rin’s voice from above was thin and brittle. He must have been at the end of his restraint for a while now.

Haru felt something hot and smooth pushed at his closed lips, and he promptly turned his face down and buried it in the sheets. Like a soldier fleeing the battlefield. Going back on his earlier unspoken promise, like a fucking coward. 

“No?” he heard Rin ask.

“No,” he mumbled.

“You are so timid, Haru. But I like you even more so.”

Rin’s voice was tender and dangerous.

He sat up abruptly and freed Haru from his pants; at this point Haru felt no shame and didn’t really care. Then he threw his heavy body back on top of him again and wedged his hard cock between his thighs.

“Keep em together, will you!” he ordered.

Rin’s self-control seemed to have finally broken down, just like a mudslide after several days of rain suddenly bursts through the walls and fences, sweeping everything on its path. He started swinging his hips into Haru wildly, like he was trying to crumple him flat with his own body. That thing between his legs was going in and out so smooth, and lying underneath someone and being fucked like this felt to Haru the most natural thing in the world.

He was trying to keep his legs shut, just as Rin had told him to, but it was getting increasingly hard to concentrate. Rin’s dick was rubbing that place behind his balls with every stroke, and his stomach was pressing on Haru’s own length from above. He felt like coming but couldn’t quite; his wrists strained against the constricting belt as he jerked to grab himself.

Just then Rin suddenly stopped and let a out a stifled moan, then started shuddering and panting, clutching at Haru’s shoulders. 

Haru gave him some time to ride it out, then bent his knees and quickly pushed his hips up several times, and it provided just enough friction for him to finally come.

He felt a kick of sweetest pleasure spasming in his cock, then shooting down his legs and up his spine, blowing him apart into pieces and sending them flying to the farthest parts of this goddamn universe.

His eyes slid shut and opened on the other side of dream. He was soaring over structures of metal and shining glass and orange sandy hills, vast and dry, unlike anything he had ever seen before. Australia? All the while someone was by his side holding his hand, he turned his head and saw a boy he remembered from four years ago. The boy with red bangs and a brightest smile, grinning at him and pulling him forward, up and beyond, all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes:
> 
> #1 Exile “Flower Song”  
> #2 Li Bai  
> #4 Evanescence “The Other Side”


End file.
